There Are No Do-Overs When Saying Goodbye
Lately, I have had a lot of close friends have to deal with loss. My kids are currently experiencing it with their Mimi. This past Easter Sunday, they flew to see her, and I wrote them this:
I need you all to be calm over the next few days and have patience for each other. You are all going to be dealing with emotions, and it will be easy for you to get frustrated with each other. There is no right way to “be” through this, and you will all react in different ways. So please, please, please, have patience and understanding and cut each other a break. Take a deep breath. I love you.
I should have also mentioned to them that adults also have a hard time dealing with death. I woke up this morning and felt compelled to write a few thoughts down.
There are very few things in life you don’t get a do-over on, and one of those is saying goodbye to a loved one when they pass.
Over the years, I have suffered the loss of my father and my grandmother, who was a second mother to me. I have been there for my closest friends losing one or both parents over the years and sadly some very recently. The one thing that is consistent is that everyone responds a little different to losing a loved one. Your job, our job, is to be there for them, in whatever way you can be, to provide the support you are capable of giving.
The other thing I have witnessed, and unfortunately a lot lately, is that losing a loved one can bring out the worst in people or even worse, amplify the worst in people.
Families will fight in front of the passing soul, battles for possessions, lying, stealing, lack of sympathy or empathy, rudeness, and so on. The selfishness is stunning.
What is genuinely horrific about all of it is, for the moment, even the most forgiving person, is pulled into the drama of others. As much as they would prefer not to react, they have little choice because of the potential damage that is being done. Instead of focusing on the person who matters, instead of cherishing the final days, hours, and minutes, people have no choice but to react to some of these actions. Instead of uniting one last time for the person passing there is friction and negative energy.
I don’t understand it, even countries at war for decades will call a cease-fire from time to time.
There is no do-over on a loved one passing. Whatever issue(s) you may have, hang it up for a short while, and you can go back to disdain and the negativity in the not too distant future.
Remember the words of Jackie Moon…
And remember, there is no do-over.
